Thursday 29 September 2011

insecure

باسم الله الرحمان الرحيم

now dah dekat aras yang bukan macam dulu. Aras yang di mana semua orang is trying to fit in and draw stupid fake smile upon their faces to let us know they care but didnt. tapi takpelah kita bukan nak cakap pasal tu sebab we never know a person, really. Bila dah sampai tahap ni, untuk patah balik is never an option. Analoginya, kau dah tersuka satu baju ni, cantik sangat dan kau yakin kau nak beli tapi mahal. so kau work hard untuk kumpul duit sebab nak sangat pakai baju tu. Eventually duit yang kau kumpul hasil penat lelah dah berjaya terkumpul dan kau pun dengan gembiranya memiliki baju tu. Tapi tiba-tiba selepas dua ke tiga kali pakai baju tu, kau dah tak muat sebab badan kau naik. Tak sempat nak tayang depan orang. So untuk beli baju lain kau tak mampu atau itulah baju paling cantik pernah kau ada dan kau setia kat baju tu jadi taknak beli lain. The only option you have is to diet and discipline yoursef with healthy eating habits la kan. Dapat tak?

Baju is the path we've choosen.
Penat lelah kumpul duit is the hardwork you put initially to succeed in your choosen path.
Dapat miliki baju cantik is the upgraded version of your choosen path that you wanted all along.
Tiba tiba tak muat baju is suddenly you realize that everybody is a genius and you are just the cendawan kecil yang tumbuh selepas hujan.
Kena diet and disiplin is when you cant just abandon the path you already took. Since everyone is moving forward, it is like you are just going with the flow without really having to step forward but you are pushed by those who are trying to move forward.
So eventually you have to move jugaklah kan, kena gerakkan kaki dan jalan jugak la kan if not nanti kau kena pijak. nak ke kena pijak?

Tidak. jadi as the only option is to move on and prove them you work hard for that place too, kena disiplin. 

ok here is the simplified version of what i wanted to write(selepas bertahun lamanya tidak menulis)

to be in degree level at the age of 19 is never easy and never a burden at the same time as i've choosen this path and i am with all my heart very thankful to Allah. but to think that i am at a very comfy position is nothing but an absolute fraud.

May Allah protect us and bless us all, amin ya rabb.